I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
