Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
