I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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