It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
