We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize