Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
