fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
