girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
