He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
