Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
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