Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
