I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I pour the whiskey from now on
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
