I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
