i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
