My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
