Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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