i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
