Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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