Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize