Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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