I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
