Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just want to make out with him forever
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
