Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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