i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
