Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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