she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
