and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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