I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize