Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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