No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
All the doctor said was why
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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