she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
