My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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