Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Randomize
