On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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