last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
