Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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