actually, I'm a sock model
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
