Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
