It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Randomize
