Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
