his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
