I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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