How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
