If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
