I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
