Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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