We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
