i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
