Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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