***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
