i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
