going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
