the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
