my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize