butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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