you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
