wat bout pragnant strippers??
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
