I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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