I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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