My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
