U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
