You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Four minutes until I can fart!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
