I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
