foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
