an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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