The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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