Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
